Am I THAT Girl?

Lately Ive been asking my self "How Do Naturals REALLY feel about their hair." Many on the outside think "OMG, they are head over heels/crazy about their hair" But the reality is not every one feels the same. I decided to do a feature on the blog showing varying opinions!! I figured Trina would be an ideal candidate for the opening story. Not just because she "hates" her hair more than "loves" it, but because she is consistent and honest about emotions felt throughout her natural hair journey!

~Nappibutterfli~

Am I THAT Girl?

“Trina, I know you hate your hair and I want to get your perspective on it, since most of us natural chicks LOVE our kinky, curly, wavy hair.”

Ouch! When my friend first asked me to write something brief about my real feelings about my hair, I kinda laughed. When I hang out with my local natural meet-up group, it’s almost a running joke. Yes, I am the girl who has a love/hate/hate/and more hate relationship with her hair! But after she revealed to me that I was one of the first people she had in mind, I realized,with a sinking heart and maybe a bit of shame tossed in – I really am that girl.

My natural journey started for me as a point of vanity and not really because of health or a mindset of ridding my body of chemicals –you’re talking to a girl with a minimum three-a-day Diet Dr. Pepper habit.Blessed (cursed?) with fine, soft and thin hair, I’d grown up seeing pictures of women in my family with hair in beautiful classic waves and curls past their shoulders and in one case, my great great-grandmother who could actually sit on her locks. Alas, most women in my family, after they had passed on, were buried in a multitude of wigs, scalps devoid of all but a few wisps of hair. In my mind, going natural was the logical thing to do – I’d sprout a huge, ginormous set of little kinky curls and beat my genetics to the punch.

Yeah.

So, more than four years after my big chop – I’m still not in love with my hair. To me, it’s something I really do try to take pride in –the ease of detangling, the tiny ringlet curls that form at the slightest touch of water and how cottony-soft it really is. But, since I seem to be at a standstill of growth (and looking like my big chop was done just recently) I’m sorry – it’s just not something I’m happy with.

But – to my credit – I’m trying in my own little bursts.I’ve hooked up with a natural hair stylist who practice ayurvedic techniques and have gotten on the biotin/vitamin/scalp massage/drinking more water(between my Diet Dr. Pepper) train. And no, I’m not gonna revert back to the creamy crack - the thought of relaxer in my hair literally makes me shake my head and sends shudders through me. Though I haven’t come as far as I would have liked – I’ve come TOO far for that!

So, I stand today a frustrated natural whose dreams of natural hair glory, though slightly deferred – are still fully alive.  I’m happy that you, you, you and you back there are available for inspiration and intervention. In the end, I’m still that girl, looking for my own acceptance of self and learning to be happy with what I have .