New Year, New Me! Really?

With a New Year coming upon us, OMG, time out, it's kinda scary to know that 12 months have flew by....BUT back to what I was saying...This is the last week of 2011. I could sit here go on ranting and raving about everything that went wrong in my life, BUT Im not….Through all the losses I had, I gained double for my trouble. I learned SO many things about myself this year that has helped shape and mold me into the individual that I am today. My confidence grew stronger and my smile got wider. Its nothing like smiling so hard on the outside, that you feel it on the inside. Those that have experienced this should be able to relate.
 

Often time things can be so bad for us that we want to just wither away and cry our souls out….Now will that really help our situation? No, it will help lessen the tension for that moment, but the reality is the problem still exists. Sometimes we are the sole cause of the stressors in our life. Many believe “God won’t put more on me than I can bear” , So my question to you is “Why do you put more on you than you can bear” When things go wrong in our lives, we are quick to tell others “Im not perfect, Im expected to make mistakes”  However, we try living a life of perfection. The more we know about ourselves, the more we are helping ourselves. Im speaking from experience.

New Years Resolution? Are they obtainable? Only you can make that judgment. However, I will not go into a new year with material and physical goals…Instead I want to work on my inner self.  If we feel good on the inside, it will show on the outside. I intend to continue working on patience, relaxing and enjoying life for the many ventures I will encounter!

So am I going into the New Year saying “New Year, New Me?” No, Instead Im saying New Year, Stronger Me. I don’t need a New Me, to be stronger…I just need to work on building the strength within who I am now!! My hopes are that in 2012, we go in with realistic expectations of life, obstacles and a better understanding of our selves.   

~Nappibutterfli~

Am I THAT Girl?

Lately Ive been asking my self "How Do Naturals REALLY feel about their hair." Many on the outside think "OMG, they are head over heels/crazy about their hair" But the reality is not every one feels the same. I decided to do a feature on the blog showing varying opinions!! I figured Trina would be an ideal candidate for the opening story. Not just because she "hates" her hair more than "loves" it, but because she is consistent and honest about emotions felt throughout her natural hair journey!

~Nappibutterfli~

Am I THAT Girl?

“Trina, I know you hate your hair and I want to get your perspective on it, since most of us natural chicks LOVE our kinky, curly, wavy hair.”

Ouch! When my friend first asked me to write something brief about my real feelings about my hair, I kinda laughed. When I hang out with my local natural meet-up group, it’s almost a running joke. Yes, I am the girl who has a love/hate/hate/and more hate relationship with her hair! But after she revealed to me that I was one of the first people she had in mind, I realized,with a sinking heart and maybe a bit of shame tossed in – I really am that girl.

My natural journey started for me as a point of vanity and not really because of health or a mindset of ridding my body of chemicals –you’re talking to a girl with a minimum three-a-day Diet Dr. Pepper habit.Blessed (cursed?) with fine, soft and thin hair, I’d grown up seeing pictures of women in my family with hair in beautiful classic waves and curls past their shoulders and in one case, my great great-grandmother who could actually sit on her locks. Alas, most women in my family, after they had passed on, were buried in a multitude of wigs, scalps devoid of all but a few wisps of hair. In my mind, going natural was the logical thing to do – I’d sprout a huge, ginormous set of little kinky curls and beat my genetics to the punch.

Yeah.

So, more than four years after my big chop – I’m still not in love with my hair. To me, it’s something I really do try to take pride in –the ease of detangling, the tiny ringlet curls that form at the slightest touch of water and how cottony-soft it really is. But, since I seem to be at a standstill of growth (and looking like my big chop was done just recently) I’m sorry – it’s just not something I’m happy with.

But – to my credit – I’m trying in my own little bursts.I’ve hooked up with a natural hair stylist who practice ayurvedic techniques and have gotten on the biotin/vitamin/scalp massage/drinking more water(between my Diet Dr. Pepper) train. And no, I’m not gonna revert back to the creamy crack - the thought of relaxer in my hair literally makes me shake my head and sends shudders through me. Though I haven’t come as far as I would have liked – I’ve come TOO far for that!

So, I stand today a frustrated natural whose dreams of natural hair glory, though slightly deferred – are still fully alive.  I’m happy that you, you, you and you back there are available for inspiration and intervention. In the end, I’m still that girl, looking for my own acceptance of self and learning to be happy with what I have .

Why Nappibutterfli??!!??

Throughout my life Ive experienced many things (I'll share more later), in the process I found that I identified myself with butterflies.  Im sure some are wondering, "Why does she call herself a Nappibutterfli?" Well I’m glad you asked, because I have an answer!!!

When I think butterfly, in the beginning I see a creature (Caterpillar) that’s undefined, purposeless, boring and maybe even unattractive to others. Once it starts to develop, the attraction, stance, and meaning begins to change. Curiosity and maybe confusion then takes place from the surroundings. People began to wonder, "OMG, Where did that pretty, colorful butterfly come from". The butterfly chooses to sit around and be adored by others, or fly away to another location. However, eventually it will fly away. As butterflies fly away, people notice the grace, strength and beauty within them. But the key is "It flew away, looking the same as it did upon arrival". The same butterfly that was once looked as boring, dull or unattractive is now being adored and praised. Butterflies remain strong throughout their "journey" because they know the ultimate result and intent of the initial strife.
When choosing to go natural, I was all around confused. I felt the need to wither away, within myself. I told myself, "If you act like you like it, others will like it too". UMM, not the case. I encountered all type of reactions, those that liked, loved or even hated my hair. Throughout my journey, I had to learn how to grow a strong base. I learned that if I’m weak on the inside, those around me would see the shame and doubt that I carried. Learning to accept myself for who I am, truly strengthen my all around notion. Only I knew my intent for the decision that was made. So today no matter the reaction I receive from others, I know that when I walk away, its with confidence and strength because I appreciate what and who I am on the inside. Also thinking about the butterfly effect, which is when a small change can lead to a different outcome.  Because of the small change I made within myself, I now have a HUGE outcome. Which is totally CONFIDENCE of who I am regardless of my surroundings!!!!